Sonic Adventure

Released on and alongside the Sega Dreamcast in North America on September 9, 1999, and developed by Sonic Team, Sonic Adventure takes the speedy blue hedgehog into the 3rd dimension

9/9/99. One of the greatest days in human existence. Sega hyped me up to a fever pitch for the release of what turned out to be their final home console, the Sega Dreamcast. Selling for only $199 on that incredible day just before my 18th birthday, the Sega Dreamcast was irresistible. I drove straight from my cashier job at Winn Dixie that afternoon to head to Wal-Mart, realized I didn't have enough money, drove home and begged my mother for a loan (I paid her back with my next Winn Dixie paycheck), then sped back to Wal-Mart and snagged one. I also didn't have enough money leftover for a game, but thankfully the system came with a demo disc, and one of the game's featured was Sonic Adventure, Sega's blue mascot's first fully 3D adventure. Only the first level was included, but I played that first level 100 times in the two weeks it took me to scrounge up enough cash to purchase the full game. I loved Sonic, had great memories of the Genesis games, and couldn't wait to make more. And I did. But now, I'm revisiting the game after 25 years. Does Sonic Adventure still hold up, long after the hype of 9/9/99 has faded back into the annals of time?

You don't have to pull my arm...

Sonic Adventure kicks off with a stunning FMV of a city being destroyed by some type of water monster. At the time, the quality of the graphics blew my mind. My teenaged son just happened to be in the room when I started this current playthrough, and even he said the FMV still looks good for 2024. The cinematics definitely set the tone for the game, particularly when Sonic's cool hair metal theme starts blasting and he runs his way into the FMV.

The Chaos Monster is still pretty freaky looking too--great character design by Team Sonic

For me the Dreamcast is a vision of the sunny, optimistic 21st Century that never came to be. The bright, blue sky aesthetic of the system's games when the Sega Dreamcast was in the production for the United States from September of 1999 to March of 2001 are a sort of what could have been, before two planes slammed into the World Trade Center a few months later and shrouded the new millennium in darkness. You can feel the birth of that optimism in this opening cinematic, as the opening cutscene is representative of the dread, or Fin de Siècle, over the coming Y2K millennium change, death and destruction raining down, before a brave and resilient Sonic rises to defeat it. The game then casts the player into the lovely white sands, blue skies, and crystal green surf of Sonic Adventure's opening level. For me, the Dreamcast will always be representative of the sunny and optimistic 21st Century that could have been. This makes the eventual defeat of the apocalypse by Sonic, and the resulting blue, sunny sky victory feel more poignant, and gives Sonic Adventure an even greater tone of escapism than it held in 1999.

Is there a more Sega Dreamcast image than Sonic running through golden rings over a sandy shore, under a vivid blue sky, sunshine glistening in the dew as it drips from the backs of dolphins?

Sonic Team does it's best with this first stage to show what Sonic in 3D can be. He's faster than ever, he can still run up a wall, through a loop, can spin and launch his body like a deadly whirling buzzsaw. The sense of speed here is fine-tuned and exhilarating. There are still enemies or spikes in inconvenient places, and players will need fast reflexes to avoid them. There are even still alternate paths through stages--not completely alternate, more like frequent offshoots that meet back with the main path. Due to the 3D layout, there's not really a way to layer a lower, middle, and higher path like in the 2D games, but the offshoot paths are still a lot of fun, and much appreciated. Thankfully, the controls, for Sonic at least, feel pretty fine-tuned as well.  Jumping and dashing all feel natural and new moves, like a light dash, or the ability to hone in on the next enemy after jumping are quite satisfying. The camera is usually easily controllable, though it does get stuck in a bad place every once in a while, particularly in the later stages.

 

Not a big deal when you're running around in the cozy overworld...a very big deal when you're standing on a platform above a bottomless pit in an action stage

Between stages, the player moves Sonic around a fairly small overhead world. This includes two main areas. The first, Station Square, is a city location, housing Sonic's hotel (and pool), and numerous building locations, including a casino and train station. From the train station, the player can head to the second major area, Mystic Ruins, which houses caves, a jungle, and...some ruins. The player will have to solve some simple puzzles, fight some bosses, or interact with certain characters to access the next action stage through the overworld. Once an action stage is unlocked in the overworld, Sonic can return to it at any point.

I need to be able to go to the pit of this volcano whenever I choose!

Sonic's action stages are fun and highly memorable. From the beach opener, to windy, tornado-ridden hills, to an icy mountain, to an active volcano, to Eggman's ship, to my two personal favorites, the Mayan-inspired Lost World and a huge skyscraper metropolis stage called Speed Highway. Each of the game's levels feature multiple, highly memorable set pieces, from the first stage's famous orca chase, to an avalanche snowboarding run on the mountain level, to a run down a building in the city, to a ride on an enormous stone snake in the ancient ruins of Lost World. 

It's like a level based on a Doors song...

Ride the snake, ride the snake, to the lake, the ancient lake, baby

Ride the snake, he's old and his skin is cold

Or ride this helicopter...

The driving bass at the start of this level and the preceding run downhill is one of the more exhilarating moments in video gaming

This is the best loop in a Sonic game. Twists my head around every time I run it.

Running...down a building

While moments in the game like this often aren't difficult, they are awesome

Overall, while Sonic's mode in Sonic Adventure might not reach the heights of some of the 90s 2D Sonic games, it's still a lot of fun. There are even some fun mini-stages, like an air-battle from Tails' plane. Speaking of Tails, Sonic Adventure features a large handful of characters that are unlocked as Sonic progresses. Each have their own individual gameplay and storyline to complete, though each's seems to be decreasingly rewarding and increasingly half-baked.

 

I highly recommend you select Sonic...

Tails' stages generally involve racing against Sonic through the majority of Sonic's stages, with the hook that Tails can glide great distances (and sometimes access new areas...though again, he doesn't get as many stages as Sonic). Knuckles the Echidna, who can dig and fly, must find three emeralds in several of Sonic's stages, and his gameplay is actually incredibly fun, but there are so few levels in his mode, it's over far too quickly, and the stages are far too short. Amy the Hedgehog hits things with a hammer, but she's constantly hounded by an unkillable, stalking robot, and her few stages are short and not at all fun. E-102 the robot fires missiles, which the player can fire either freely or through locking on--like Knuckles, his gameplay is also incredibly fun, as it's a blast essentially blowing up some of the stages the player visited with the previous characters, but also like Knuckles, E-102's gameplay is frustratingly short, essentially over in an hour. Finally, there's Big the Cat; Big's gameplay, I kid you not, is fishing, which is fitting, since the Sega Dreamcast may be the console with the best overall fishing game library (Particularly first party, and there's even a fishing rod and reel controller for the system!), but Big's gameplay is not very polished and a bit tedious, does not fit with the other modes, and is probably the worst.

 

Time to do it again...but with Tails

I can't believe both how fun this mode is and how short it is

I mean, he can fly! Knuckles is basically a morally inferior Superman!

Amy, your mode stinks! Hit the showers, you're done!

Flying through a Sonic stage and blowing everything up is so fun. You can't tell me they didn't just think of this at the last minute because if they had thought of it earlier, the mode would be twice as long!

Man, what is it with late 90s 3D games and bathrooms? Poor E-102 can't even use it!

I love a big, stupid cat, but Big is a bridge too far

Straight out of Sega Marine Fishing! ...or Sega Bass Fishing!...or Sega Bass Fishing 2!

Sonic Adventure's character design is extremely memorable, and the graphics are bright, colorful, and vibrant. The textures still look pretty good 25 years later, though certain environmental effects, like say, water splashes, are pretty simple to ensure that the game always moves as unimaginably fast as possible. Increasingly detailed water splashes were essentially the 3D platforming games' arms race on the previous generation's Nintendo 64, so it feels a bit strange that droplets don't individually fall down and create individual ripples here, but I must admit, considering just how fast you can move through these levels as Sonic, the graphics are highly impressive, and overall a huge jump from that previous generation.

The sheer speed of the Orca section is still stunning, and even if the graphics are no longer top of the line, it's tough to beat that turn-of-the-century arcade aesthetic

The soundtrack is just as bright, fun, and sunny as Sonic's gameplay. Each character has their own full band theme (with lyrics!), generally energetic late 90's pop-punk, with a horn quartet (East 4th Horns) providing support. However, some of the stages and overworld areas feature beautiful, atmospheric, orchestrated music. I must again bring up the ancient ruins Lost World stage, as its theme is as good as anything in any modern action film. It's incredible, absolutely thrilling music. The weird techno/hair metal mashup in Speed Highway is also particularly satisfying. The game's sound effects are fun, and the voice acting is solid. Sonic in particular sounds great.

Generally, Sonic can do no wrong here

Overall, Sonic has by far the longest and most involved gameplay, and even when the other characters' modes are added, Sonic Adventure is only about 15 hours long. There is a little chao minigame, where you can collect and hatch the little blue blob's eggs, train them for battle, and play around with them on your VMU (memory card), and possibly even fight against others. This mode did not interest me when I was 18, and unfortunately, does not interest me now.

Sorry. I promise it's not because you're blue.

The storyline has the same general Dr. Robotnik is doing something bad framing, but there is a cool intertwined story about an ancient civilization, and the game finds fun ways to develop and explore different facets of the story with each character. It's not Shakespeare, but it's not a nonsensical, completely silly mess , either.

Plus, there's pinball! (in the Casino stage, a fun nod to Sonic 2)

There's even a a Nights pinball table, so Sega can show some love to the handful of folks who bought a Sega Saturn

While it's not a long game, and Sonic's story and gameplay is really the only one that feels complete, Sonic Adventure is still quite a fun, worthwhile game. It's a reminder of a more optimistic time, and an instant mood lifter. Sonic may work best in 2D, but Sonic Adventure is a very good preliminary argument for his existence in the 3D realm.

And here are a couple more picture from the Lost World level...

Because I love it so much! Look at how cool it is! 1999 was such a great year!

9.0

Graphics

Bright, attractive graphics that do nothing to hinder Sonic's speed.

9.0

Music and Sound

A mix of fun, upbeat rock tunes, with some surprisingly great cinematic and atmospheric pieces thrown in, along with solid voice acting and sound effects.

8.5

Gameplay

Sonic's mode is blazing fast and fun 3D platforming, while the other five characters' modes are hit and miss.

7.0

Lasting Value

Sonic's gameplay is short, and the other characters' is even shorter, but there are minigames, and the stages (at least Sonic's) are so enjoyable, they're easy to revisit.

8.5  FINAL SCORE

Rise of the Dragon

Released in 1993 by Dynamix, Inc. and ported to the Sega CD by Game Arts, Rise of the Dragon is a graphic adventure game set in a dark, futuristic, cyberpunk world

I recently played through the incredible Snatcher for the Sega CD. Once I finished and reviewed that great game, I didn't want to leave the realm of Sega CD cyberpunk graphic adventure. I kept hearing Rise of the Dragon mentioned in the same breath as Snatcher, so I decided to give it a try. Is Rise of the Dragon anywhere near Snatcher's league?

Hmm..."Blade Hunter" sounds an awful lot like a certain Ridley Scott cyberpunk movie I love

Nope. Rise of the Dragon has its moments, but contains several frustrating elements that sap the fun away. This 1993 game takes place in a 2053 Los Angeles that doesn't look much different from a slightly dystopian 1980's Los Angeles. The player takes control of William "Blade" Hunter, an ex-police officer, who now works as a private investigator. Blade is tasked by the mayor to investigate a deeply personal matter. Apparently, the mayor's hard-partying and rebellious daughter was experimenting with exotic substances, and died from a drug that mutated her into a horrid looking beast. Blade finds the Chinese Mafia was involved and must hit the streets looking for info...and also win back his angry girlfriend, Karen, who works at City Hall and can provide Blade with valuable info.

 

Turns out the fate of the world rests on you getting this lady to chill the hell out

On paper, this game should work. However, the execution is wanting. Rise of the Dragon is essentially a point-and-click adventure game. The player must pick up items for later use, solve puzzles, and navigate conversations with non-player characters to progress. An intuitive, well-designed interface is key in this type of game. It is immediately apparent that Rise of the Dragon's is neither intuitive, nor well-designed. The player must move a cursor around the screen, to navigate through an area, and to look for objects with which to interact. If the player grabs an item either from their inventory or that can be placed in inventory, but doesn't drag that item to their inventory, then accidentally leaves that area of the environment, the item leaves their inventory...sometimes permanently. And if that item is necessary to progress...the player can't progress. Yes, one wrong step, and Rise of the Dragon is hard-locked--there's NO WAY TO PROGRESS.

 

Yep, that about sums it up

Losing an item isn't the only way to suddenly render Rise of the Dragon unwinnable. Like most graphic adventure games from this era, conversations with non-player characters involve dialogue trees. Unlike most graphic adventure games from this era, telling an NPC the wrong thing can completely stop the player's ability to progress. The NPC will refuse to talk to you again, and there's literally no way to move on in the game. Rise of the Dragon does remind the player to frequently save, which can be done at any time, but the problem is, you don't alwas KNOW that you've made Rise of the Dragon unwinnable, and you might just save after you've done so...meaning your save file is basically a dead file. It's infuriating. Even with three save slots to back up your progress throughout, it's still tough to tell just where you went wrong...and naturally, this is one one of those games that gives absolutely no direction as to what you're supposed to be doing.

That's all I was looking for with this game too, Blade

As to the actual story, there's not really anything innovative or thematically deep here, just a drug lord intent on world domination. The only really futuristic element here is the mutagen drug. Most of the game's settings are dingy alleys and clubs that, as I've mentioned, just look like dingy 80's alleys and clubs. As for graphics, they're stylized and look pretty cool. The Sega CD version (this was originally a late 80's PC release) tints everything green, and while some players have reacted negatively to this, 90's sci-fi (and cyberpunk) did definitively climax with The Matrix in 1999, so I'm fine with it. As for sound, there's a lot of voice-acting, and it's overall not bad. I particularly enjoy the legendary Cam Clarke (Leonardo from TMNT, Kaneda from Akira, Liquid Snake in Metal Gear) as the snarky Blade. The music is hit and miss, a few solid tunes mixed in with some clunkers whose drum tracks sound like they're running into each other.

 

I guess this could technically be Neo's apartment

In a perfect world where certain random actions DIDN'T render Rise of the Dragon permanently unwinnable, I still don't think this would be a great game. Making progress is fun, but several of the puzzles aren't intuitive, and the game also features a timer that rushes experimentation. Yes, not only can you render the game unwinnable by making the wrong decision or losing an inventory item, but you can also run out of time! The joy from these types of games is generally in TAKING YOUR TIME, experimenting and trying to enjoy the world the game presents to the fullest. There are a few gnarly story branches in Rise of the Dragon the player can pursue and some big rewards for lateral thinking, but the time crunch, as well as the possibility of taking a dead end track you can't turn around from, discourages the player from ever discovering them!

 

Let me into this game, game!

Rise of the Dragon also attempts to throw a little variation at the player, by including several side-scrolling platformer segments into the game. Unfortunately, the controls for those segments are exceedingly clunky, and if the player hasn't done things absolutely as the game wanted early in, they're stuck using a lousy gun that makes these segments far more difficult (do things right, and you get a better one). There's also a first-person shooter moment here too that's not only a tiny blip in the overall gameplay, but easily missed if you don't take the longest possible path to the game's ending.

 

Side-scrolling blade maneuvers like a particularly unwieldy refrigerator

Overall, I do appreciate the late 80's/early 90's cyberpunk vibe here, even though there's little imagination in the worldbuilding or futuristic elements. Rise of the Dragon does feature scattered moments that are quite enjoyable, but again, the game's flaws suck most of the fun away. After rendering the game unwinnable several times early in, I nervously looked to a strategy guide to get to the end of the game, just so I wouldn't brick my progress again. That's no way to have to play a game. With just a little more thought toward player experience, Rise of the Dragon could have been a minor genre classic. Instead, it's a frustrating misfire whose positive moments aren't quite plentiful enough to lift Rise of the Dragon to hidden gem status. For me, Rise of the Dragon is just a minor curio to alleviate my Snatcher comedown.

Graphics: 6.5/10.0
Sound: 6.5/10.0
Gameplay: 4.9/10.0
Lasting Value: 4.5/10.0
Overall (Not an Average): 5.5/10.0

Snatcher

Released on November 30, 1994 for the Sega CD by Konami, Snatcher features graphic adventure gameplay set in a futuristic, cyberpunk world

I have more nostalgia for the Sega CD than for any other console, save maybe the NES,SNES, and Atari 2600. I'll never forget watching it boot up for the first time at my cousin's house, stunned by the high quality music, blown away by the voice-acting in the games. I felt like I was watching a high-performing CD-ROM computer game on the television. Later on, I finally acquired my own Sega CD, and immediately researched to find the best games. One game kept showing up near the top of the lists: 1994's Snatcher. There was one problem, though: a copy of Snatcher, which turns out to be quite rare, costs about as much as a down payment on a house. Thankfully, though, I was able to grab a playable copy through...certain means. Is Snatcher worth the hype?

No matter what you think about this game, you cannot deny the excellence of its fonts

Snatcher immediately immerses its player in glorious late-80's/early 90's cyberpunk atmosphere. The opening cutscene feels like Blade Runner by way of a William Gibson novel, as the player is dropped into the skyscrapers and night lights of the artificial island city of Neo Kobe, Japan. Most of the world's population was killed by disease 50 years before, and now that the survivors have rebuilt, they're under attack by an emerging threat called "Snatchers." Snatchers are essentially robot copies of existing people, who have been secretly kidnapped and murdered. No one knows what the Snatchers want, or where they came from, but the opening cutscene features Terminator-like imagery and design in regard to the titular villains, as well as a sense of neo-noir, as the game's heroes, the JUNKER's are introduced. JUNKER's are essentially old-fashioned detectives, tasked with hunting down and eradicating the Snatcher menace. The player takes on the role of the newest JUNKER agent, Gillian Seed, a man suffering from amnesia because this game was created by Hideo Kojima. Yes, THAT Hideo Kojima.

 

Just put Arnie's skin on this thing and give it a minigun

Kojima, the famous Metal Gear auteur, keeps Snatcher's story fairly simple to start. As Gillian, the player is tasked with investigating the Snatcher menace mystery, investigating crime scenes, interviewing suspects, gathering evidence, talking to informers, while also trying to regain his memory. Gillian also attempts to reconnect with his estranged wife (who also somehow has amnesia). The gameplay style here reveals the game's PC roots, as it was originally released there in 1988 ,with less bells and whistles. As Gillian, the player interacts with the world through a series of prompts, including LOOK, INVESTIGATE, TALK, and ASK. Essentially, the player uses these prompts to look around the environment, generally shown as a static, partially-animated screen, as they try to find something out of the ordinary. Conversations with informants, colleagues, and suspects follow dialogue trees, just like in a classic PC adventure game.

 

Not gonna lie...all that robot juice is making me thirsty

While Snatcher doesn't quite fall into "visual novel" territory, this isn't exactly challenging gameplay, either. Truthfully, you can just go through all of the LOOK/INVESTIGATE prompts in order, until you do the right things and progress. There's not a lot to it, but the text and dialogue is so involving and well written (and translated), this portion of the gameplay never gets tedious...and it's also not the only form of gameplay here.

You also get to shoot stuff. *SIGH* This game is so cool.

During certain portions of the story, Gillian is attacked by either Snatchers or their evil little drone minions, and Snatcher turns into a first-person shooter. These segments verge from prolonged 60-90 second shootouts, to what we'd now consider quicktime events. They keep the player on their toes, as a safe-looking crime scene can be invaded by a Snatcher at almost any moment. The player can even optionally use the famous Sega CD lightgun, the Justifier, for these segments, though I found it a bit unreliable, and preferred to just use the regular Sega control pad. With the control pad, these shootouts aren't overly difficult (just keep firing and aim everywhere!), until near the end of the game, when the Snatchers get both more plentiful and more mobile. While these moments only make up maybe 5-10% of the game, the constant threat of them happening adds a bit more excitement to the game.

 

You're terminated...

While I do think both modes of gameplay are fun, they're not quite Snatcher's main attraction. Snatcher's main draw is its neo-noir and specifically 80's/early 90's cyberpunk atmosphere. The towering buildings and spotlights, the 1940's/1950's office interiors of Blade Runner, the weird post-modern architecture of Total Recall, the post-apocalyptic civilization vibe of Akira, the "what even is human" vibe of William Gibson's Neuromancer, it's blended into something special here, and then combined with a sort of weird, goofy, self-referential, fourth-wall breaking sense of humor. 

Even with all this cool, futuristic imagery, the biggest billboard says SEGA!

The characters in Snatcher draw attention to the fact that you're playing a video game several times. Gillian makes a hilariously failed pass at every woman with which he comes into contact. Your goofy robot sidekick is called METAL GEAR! Yes, like Kojima's Metal Gear. As the humor popped up, I was a little scared it would derail the darker, violent (yes, Snatcher is violent), grittier tone of the game...but instead it only makes the game more charming.

Also, look how cute this little guy is! Who's a good robot? Who's a good robot? Metal Gear is! Yes, he is!

I've already touched upon the art design, but Snatcher's graphics are also great, a blend of top notch 16-bit work and early 90's PC graphics. They go a long way toward building the game's atmosphere, though the sound design also does some heavy lifting. Around 1/3 of the game's plentiful conversations are voice-acted, and the work, while not quite top tier, gets the job done; it won't win any awards (and it didn't), but I enjoyed it. However, the voice work, in tandem with Masahiro Ikariko's cool, jazzy soundtrack, and the game's immersive sound effects, helps Snatcher quite effectively transport the player into its world. With all that said, there is one element that keeps Snatcher away from "masterpiece" status, and it's a bit of a Kojima trademark.

 

Uh...not your nose...

Snatcher's plot, though it contains twists and turns, doesn't feel contrived for most of its run, save the amnesia angle. While it may not blow genre conventions out of the water, the story is coherent and fun...up until the final 30 minutes of this ten hour experience. Kojima games are known for overlong cutscenes, and Snatcher avoids these too...up until the final 30 minutes. I am not necessarily saying the end of this game sucks. I am saying that after a satisfying 9.5 hours of gameplay, featuring a fairly uncontrived story, which employs a cool, neo-noir, cyberpunk tone, the final 30 minutes of Snatcher is a convoluted, melodramatic cutscene. The tone shifts, the music gets sappy. Again, this last 30 minutes doesn't ruin the game. It can't. Snatcher is a cyberpunk classic...but without the final tone-shift, it could have been a masterpiece. 

 

Ironically, after its most noirish image, Snatcher turns into a Kojima soap opera

However, as I said, Snatcher is still a classic, ahead of its time, and timelessly out of time. The JUNKER station, Gillian's home base, is so wonderfully realized, a place where the player can bond with engineer, Harry, and office secretary, Mika, pick the JUNKER chief's brain, putz around in Gillian's office, and practice shooting at the firing range. Metal Gear also has a cell phone, and Gillian can makes calls to numbers he finds throughout the game, almost anytime the player wants. Gillian can also take the station turbocycle to almost any location in the game, giving the illusion of a free and open Neo Kobe City, making the game feel even more immersive. There's even a station computer, which not only includes info on suspects, but historical and cultural entries that more fully flesh out Snatcher's world. You can even go home to Gillian's apartment whenever you want, which someone gives the game even more of a cool, weird, Blade Runner/Philip K. Dick vibe. Snatcher is not quite perfect, but it deserves to be played by fans of any of the genres I've mentioned--and I can easily see myself playing through it again. Don't let the ridiculous price point be a barrier keeping you away from Snatcher...just like in any great game...there are alternative ways to play...

Uh...Google it

Graphics: 9.0/10.0
Sound: 9.0/10.0
Gameplay: 9.2/10.0
Lasting Value: 8.0/10.0
Overall (Not an Average): 9.2/10.0

Surf Ninjas (Sega Game Gear)

Released in 1993 for the Sega Game Gear by Sega of America, Inc. and developed by NuFX, Inc., Surf Ninjas is a 2D beat 'em up based upon the 1993 film of the same name.

Surf Ninjas is on a very short list of movies where the actual video game tie-in for the movie is a major plot point IN THE MOVIE. The movie itself is not great, though it does offer a nice dose of gleefully stupid early 90's aesthetics...and at least the movie is better than the video game.

 

Crazy, right?

I loved my Game Gear, despite the fact that the batteries ran out faster than a plate of bagel bites, the library was piss-poor, and the system itself was built so poorly, essentially every console that's still operating has had to have its parts replaced. Admittedly, I probably loved the TV-tuner accessory more than any of the games I owned, but none of the games I owned were as bad as Surf Ninjas. Yes, I'm ending the second paragraph the same way I did the first.

 

On the bright side, the video game version of Leslie Nielsen's character is slightly less annoying than the movie version.

The graphics aren't the problem. The game looks simplistic, but fine. The colors are fairly bright, the models and animation are rudimentary, but acceptable, and the minimalistic cutscenes conjure the goofy vibe of the film. The music certainly isn't the problem, and is, in fact, Surf Ninja's greatest asset. I'm not saying this entire soundtrack is a classic, but there are a couple tracks here that are certified bangers. However, every time you throw a punch or a kick, the music freezes for a second. Lame. As for sound effects...they're here. The production values are fine. It's the gameplay that stinks.

 

Yes, believe it or not, Surf Ninjas for the Game Gear is not great

Surf Ninjas the movie is dumb, but at least a little fun. This game is dumb and not much fun at all. The controls are simplistic and sluggish. You play as a kid ninja, moving through sparsely designed 2D environments, fighting a minimal amount of minimal AI evil ninjas. When you come across a foe, you can punch and kick or throw a limited amount of projectiles at them, though your choice makes little difference. Just mash buttons and hope for the best. There's a boss at the end of each short level, and boss fight strategy pretty much involves doing what I just said in the previous sentence, but for a longer period of time. As the game goes along, it begins to throw more platforming challenges at the player, mostly involving jumps over spike-lined pits. To succeed, you have to utilize a faulty double-jump mechanic, while praying a stupid invisible bird doesn't fly into the screen the moment you decide to try to jump. As least you get to wear a cool headband.

 

Whatup, bird? I hate you.

The game also includes stat bars and interchangeable weapons and an assist option, but who cares, they don't make it any more enjoyable. If you want to play a great Game Gear game, you have limited options, but you certainly have better options than Surf Ninjas. It's just not fun. It's simplistic, poorly executed, and boring. Surf's not up, dude. Red flag out today.

 

Go ahead and kick me. Just put me out of my misery so I can play something else!

Graphics: 6.0/10.0
Sound: 6.5/10.0
Gameplay: 2.0/10.0
Lasting Value: 2.0/10.0
Overall (Not an Average): 3.5/10.0