Greatest Heavyweights

Greatest Heavyweights, Sega Genesis, Acme Interactive, Inc., 1993

I visited my cousin in Houston a few weekends ago, and the conversation turned toward his busted Sega Genesis. 

"Mine still works," I said. " Do you still have Greatest Heavyweights?"

"Yeah. You want to take it?"

The existence of this review is one big spoiler to the previous question's answer

I did take Greatest Heavyweights, a game I put dozens of hours into in the mid-90's, whiling away late nights at my cousin's parent's house. Would this old boxing gem hold up, or be just as busted as my cousin's old Genesis?

Greatest Heavyweights features eight of the greatest heavyweight boxers from the 20th Century: Muhammad Ali, Joe Frazier, Rocky Marciano Larry Holmes, Jack Dempsey, Floyd Patterson, Joe Louis, and Evander Holyfield. You can either pick one of these guys, and duke it out with one of the other seven in an exhibition match, fight one of the game's fake characters (or use one of them instead of the real guys), engage in a multi-fight tournament, or go in for the best option the game offers: career mode with a boxer of your own creation.

The best option in this game is even better than recreating the greatest boxing match of all time.

"Create a Boxer" allows you to choose from numerous sizes of fighter, then allows you to select their skin color, hair color and style, facial structure, etc. There aren't a ton of options, but you can make your character green, which I always do. Now let me tell you the story of the greatest heavyweight champion of all time, Ace McFeely.

Sorry, MacGyver.

After entering career mode and creating McFeely, the game gives me the rank of 30th in the world, and faces me off against the 29th ranked boxer. The 29th ranked guy is hapless and I quickly knock him out. After winning a fight, the game allows me to pick three training activities out of an offered eight. Let me switch from "I" to "you." Anyway, you don't actually partake of any of these training activities as a gamer, but selecting them does increase your stats, "Power," "Speed," and "Stamina." You can choose the training activities based upon which stats you want to power up more. Of course I always want to immediately power up "Power."

Give the man a steak!

"Career Mode" consists of smashing through the top 30 fighters until you fight fictional champ, "Mike Dixon," and take his championship belt. To become powerful enough to take down Dixon, you've got to do a great job of leveling up between each fight. If you're having too easy of a time, and want to get to the top sooner, you can choose to fight a higher ranked boxer than the guy in front of you, though the game doesn't allow you to just jump straight to Dixon...you'd get destroyed if it did.

Destroyed just like poor Donny Ghost

Once I trashed all the boxers up to Dixon, I trashed him too, and received an invitation to then fight the eight "Greatest Heavyweights," thankfully one at a time. Wait, I'm sorry, let me switch back to "you."
Beat all eight greatest heavyweights, and you're the undisputed champ.

Nope, no bias here!

As cool as all this is, it wouldn't mean much if Greatest Heavyweight's boxing engine sucked. It doesn't, though. It's great. Your computer-controlled foes all fight in a given style--some aggressively, some defensively, some not protecting their head well. Once you figure out your foe's style, you can better box against them. You'll find that much of your opposition can't handle a body jab/head jab combo. Of course, you'll have to get the timing right, or you'll get pummeled.

Like poor Mr. Ali here

By the time you get to the top, your higher ranked foes, particularly the Greatest Heavyweights, will be rattling off some pretty spectacular combos of their own...and low jab/high jab isn't quite as magic an elixir anymore. However, if you've been paying attention in the earlier fights, the later, more difficult ones should be a piece of cake. Just press buttons, though, and you'll end up on the mat. You've got to strategize. That's easy for me to say, though. I've been playing this game for a long time.

Just ask Ali. Also, the victory beat, and all of the music in this game is great. Minimal, but great.

Your punch choices are the old favorites, jab, hook, and uppercut, which you can unleash with either hand. I highly recommend a six-button controller--otherwise, you've got to hit a couple buttons together to throw an uppercut, instead of just pushing one. There's also a button to block, though where's the fun in that?

1,839 punches thrown. Sounds about right.

I love this game. Once you get very good at it, there might be no further challenge, but that will take enough time to make the game feel like a worthwhile experience. Seeing all of these great fighters in one game is a treat. Hearing them is too, as true to a Sega Sports game, there's a lot of cool voice work, generally in the form of taunts. Getting taunted by Ali is always a thrill. Taunting him is even better.

Just a personal note: while Joe Frazier (R.I.P.) is my favorite boxer of all-time, personally, and it's the only reason I am ribbing him so much, I think Muhammad Ali (R.I.P.) is the greatest heavyweight boxer to ever live. He said it himself, and he wasn't lying.

The graphics are 16-bit solid, with all of the boxer animations convincing and fun. Few things are more exhilarating than landing a combo that knocks the spit out of your foe. Boy what a great sound effect, too. The hits in this game still feel visceral more than 25 years later.

Trust me, you do no NOT want to get hit by Ace "The Greatest" McFeely

Speaking of age, I should warn, not all of the boxer taunts found here are PC for 2020. Then again, how PC is a sport where you're trying to knock your competition unconscious? Greatest Heavyweights' overflowing 90's machismo is one of its greatest assets. This kind of swagger died when Sega stopped making sports games.

Graphics: 8.5/10.0
Sound: 9.0/10.0
Gameplay: 8.5/10.0
Lasting Value: 8.0/10.0
Overall (Not an Average): 8.5/10.0

Road Avenger

Road Avenger, Sega CD, Data East Corporation, 1993

One day I was digging through some of my unplayed Sega CD games and noticed Road Avenger. I realized I'd never heard of the game, but I loved its title, so into the Sega CD it went.
Mind blown.

How could I not like a game made by "WOLF TEAM?"

Road Avenger is a port of a 1985 Japanese arcade game, Road Blaster. The gist of the game is that you're out to avenge the death of your wife at the hands of an evil biker gang. You've souped up your car to an alarming level, and now you're hitting the mean, animated streets to make the wicked gang pay.

Hey, didn't you read the last paragraph? I JUST souped up this thing! You're gonna get it.

The gameplay is simple--levels are awesomely pre-animated by Toei, the same studio that has animated countless great anime, as well as the 1986 Transformers film. You're basically put inside an incredible action film, featuring the height of 80's animation, to run amok. These pre-animated, full motion video sequences require you to tap either left, right, brake, or turbo when commanded.

I told you you were gonna get it. Also, duh, of course I'm gonna brake.

While this may sound simple, as you drive through Road Avenger's thrilling nine stages, your time window for following commands becomes shorter and shorter. The last few levels require razor sharp  reflexes and memory, particularly the insanely chaotic final stage.

The mortician is gonna wish you wore deodorant! Does deodorant work on a corpse? Do corpses sweat? Road Avenger, you've opened up Pandora's Box!

The nine levels, composed of 15,000 hand-painted cels, and over 30-minutes of animation, feature just about any car chase environment you could want, from a cliff-hugging highway, to an elevated freeway, to a deep-forest logging road, and more. You also get to do just about every awesome car stunt possible, from the ramming off the road basics, to shaking off unwanted rooftop passengers, to jumping over an exploding helicopter. Some of the scenarios the developers have dreamed up are so delightfully over-the-top and outlandish, you'll want to experience them again and again.

Tuesday.

Yes, Road Avenger is essentially one big quicktime event game. However, your actions are so naturally incorporated into in-game events that Road Avenger seldom just feels like it's on rails.  In fact, on the hardest difficulty, you're not even given the commands, and have to figure out which buttons to press given the situation. Of course, inputting the wrong command results in instantly crashing, but isn't that the way it is with actual, high-speed driving?

You know, you drive through a field and get firebombed by attack helicopters, just like real life!

As far as production values go, the animation is incredible. Though there is some grain, its impact to gameplay or to even enjoying the graphics in general is negligible. Sound effects are all pretty awesome, though the squealing brake can be a bit grating. The music is pretty far back in the mix, but it still brings energy to the experience. Also, the opening cinema, which sets up the game's story, features a sweet power-metal ballad.

These kids love it. Get off the damn sidewalk, kids!

Like most games from this period, the player is only given several tries and continues. After that, it's game over, and you've got to start from the beginning. At only nine levels, a straight play-through only takes about half-an-hour, and once you're done, you're done--and it's an identical experience again and again after that...even if it's an awesome one. Also, given how difficult that final level is, having to play all the way through the game to get to it again and again after constant game overs can get a bit old. It doesn't help that, unlike Road Avenger's previous levels, the last doesn't have any checkpoints.

How am I supposed to continue if I can't see, ass?!

Still, though, even with its flaws and short running time, Road Avenger is a singular experience. There's really nothing quite like it on the market today, and there wasn't much like it in the 80's or 90's, either. If you want to pull out a Sega CD game to quickly wow a guest, you can't do much better than Road Avenger.

Vroom, vroom.

Graphics: 8.5/10.0
Sound: 7.0/10.0
Gameplay: 8.0/10.0
Lasting Value: 6.0/10.0
Overall (Not an Average): 8.0/10.0

Demolition Man

Demolition Man, Sega CD, Acclaim Entertainment, 1995

I don't know why, of all the Sega CD games, I decided to play through 1995's Demolition Man. There are dozens upon dozens of more prominent games for the system. I've got all of them. They're all right over there in the corner. I'm not playing them right now, though. I'm playing Demolition Man, a licensed game for a 1993 action film I've never even seen (though I soon plan on remedying that)...and I have no regrets.

More like "Most Awesomest!"

Demolition Man is a 2D action sidescroller. As for buttons:"A" throws a grenade. You've only got a limited amount of grenades, but you can pick up more, and they're everywhere. "B" fires your weapon. You start with a pistol, but can pick up other guns, like a powerful shotgun and magnum. After a few shots with those, you run out of ammo, and go back to your handgun, which has unlimited ammo. You can even just hold down "B" to fire continuously. You can aim with the controller pad, and if you stop running, and hold down "B," you can aim while at a stop. "C" is the jump button. You can jump pretty far, but you can't really turn around in mid-air. The "Start" button pauses the game. That's it!

The 90's had so many good songs about jumping. "Jump Around" was good. Wait, that was the 80's. Oh, yeah, what about "Kriss Kross Makes You Wanna Jump?" I think that was the name of it. Wasn't that the 90's? Yeah?

Demolition Man apparently loosely follows the plot of the film of the same name. You're Sergeant John Spartan, a reckless police officer who was cryogenically frozen in 1996. Now it's 2032, and you've been thawed out to fight your old nemesis, the criminally insane Simon Phoenix, who had also been cryogenically frozen but's come back. And that's...pretty much it. You chase Phoenix around the futuristic dystopian mega-city, San Angeles, fighting him periodically between blasting away thousands of his henchman.

You just wait til I get down there!

The game includes a dozen or so side-scrolling stages, and two overhead view, Smash TV-esque stages. These levels are all fairly straightforward. They often include multiple floors, though there is generally only one path through the stage. The fun comes from the simple, brainless action of the gameplay. The controls are fairly tight, you can generally do whatever you're attempting to do (except correct an errant jump), many parts of the stages, like TV screens, streetlights, and windows, can be destroyed, and the action is frenetic and endless.

Shoot them all! Shoot everything!

From a production level, the graphics are highly-detailed, colorful, excellent pixel-art. This Sega CD version also includes gratuitously grainy movie clips, that don't look so excellent.

Through no fault of Stallone's sick hat.

However, the Sega CD also includes a supercharged electronic rock soundtrack that absolutely slams. It's awesome, a great backing to blow away endless enemies. Outside of the movie clips, there's a little bit of film dialogue spliced throughout the game to make it a little more immersive. These sound okay, but not as good as the game's awesomely over-the-top sound effects, featuring big booming guns, shattering glass, etc. Also, for some reason in the sidescrolling stages, there's a split second after bullets hit your enemies where it looks like you've electrocuted them....which...cool!

Eat lead, slacker! Er, sorry, I don't know any Demolition Man quotes.

Most stages do each have a little something to set them apart from a gameplay standpoint. For example, one level's got a mechanical car parker that's constantly looking to smash you, a monorail level features a constantly moving train with objects that have to be dodged, and a trip to an underground wasteland features plenty of cool, zip-lining action.

You just wait til I get down there! Dammit, I already used that one!

Like most sidescrolling actioneers of its era, Demolition Man is difficult, giving you just a handful of lives and continues, which are easily expended. Thankfully, the game also includes a level-select cheat (A, C, Up, Right, Left at the main menu), which allows you to go back to wherever you were when you got a game over. Thankfully, each stage includes frequent checkpoints, so any time you die, you don't have to start the level over at the beginning...at least until you get a game over. Demolition Man also includes three selectable levels of difficulty, though you can't play through every stage if you select the easiest. Of course, once you've played through the game a couple of times using the level select method, you'll probably have the muscle memory to at least get through the medium difficulty without a game over...which will take about an hour.

"Let's hang out!" Was that a line from the movie? No?

Is Demolition Man straightforward and simplistic? Yes. Did I have a meatheadedly good time blasting through it? Yes! It may be an artifact of its era, frozen in time, but it doesn't deserve to be locked up forever! It's shockingly fun!

Sorry...

Graphics: 8.0/10.0
Sound: 8.5/10.0
Gameplay: 7.5/10.0
Lasting Value: 5.0/10.0
Overall (Not an Average): 7.5/10.0