Altered Beast

Altered Beast, Sega Genesis, Sega, 1989

"Wise fwom your gwave!" That's about the only thing most gamers know about the Sega Genesis original pack-in game, Altered Beast, and unless those gamers are huge Genesis fans, it's all they need to know.

"kick a ghoul/in the nuts/cover his buddy/in his guts"

Altered Beast is a beat-em-up, "A" to punch, "B" to kick, and "C" to jump. The game stars some random mythological muscle-dude, who must rescue Zeus' daughter from a bunch of ghouls. He traverses a barely 16-bit Roman mythological world, and if he smashes three blue three-headed wolves (until the instruction manual told me afterward, I thought they were bulls) in a level and collects their floating orbs, he gets to become the Altered Beast. Actually, he has to become the altered beast because if he doesn't, the level will go on and on forever, tossing the player a random blue three-headed wolf until they finally get three of the danged orb things. Once the player transforms into the beast, whose form is unique to each level, they gain new superpowers, and access to that level's boss.

I bet those ghouls are intimidated now! I know I am!

Altered Beast only contains five short levels, and to make up for that, it does the same thing nearly all games from that period did--be really, really hard. It gives the player three lives with no continues, and a hit meter with three bars that cannot be filled. Sure, you can beat the game in 15 minutes, but good luck doing it in your first 20 tries. And yet...there's something here.

Wolf Life.

First, the game's music is delicious, yummy Sega Genesis trippy, bassy jingles that make all of the dopamine flow around one's brain like marbles in a Rube Goldberg machine. Also, as caveman simplistic as the game's "Hulk Smash!" gameplay is, there's always something satisfying about punching a monster into bloody chunks. And finally, Altered Beast has a two-player mode where it is possible for one player to hog all of the orbs, becoming a giant, barrel-chested wolf-monster, while the other player has to stay a puny human in ancient Roman underwear. This is always a good thing, and perfect for a ribald night of retro-gaming. It was fun back in the day when it was just "regular" gaming, too.

Graphics: 5.8/10.0
Sound: 7.5/10.0
Gameplay: 6.0/10.0
Lasting Value: 4.0/10.0
Overall (Not an Average): 6.1/10.0